I CANNOT PUT AN EXACT AGE

OR TIME ON THE REALIZATION OF MY BEING.

I do remember sometime before I could speak, in infancy, focusing on whether or not my surroundings were of love¾of that there was no doubt. My mother would prove to be one of the most extraordinarily loving persons I would ever come to know.

As an infant I felt the true essence of my being had nothing to do with the physical plane in which I was contained. I felt as though I had completed a long, tedious journey and my being was slowly awakening to the foreign surroundings of this life’s existence.

So, how did I know anything about love, yet had expectations of this great gift? Why did I seek to recognize this love upon awakening to this existence if I had not experienced it in some form before my birth? Alhamdulillah! (All Praise to ALLAH.) ALLAH Subhanahu wa ta’ala is the only reality and reason.

“. . .To ALLAH we belong, and to Him is our return.”

HOLY QUR’AN 2:156

The love of the same One God who revealed the Bible and all other holy books, and then revealed to His final prophet, Muhammad sallallaahu`alayhi wasallam ¾THE HOLY QUR’AN¾the final, guaranteed unalterable, book of truth and perfected guide to paradise and eternal life with the One God and Creator of all things, ALLAH.

“. . .And indeed it is a Book of exalted power.

“No falsehood can approach it from before or behind it:

It is sent down by One Full of Wisdom, Worthy of all Praise.”

HOLY QUR’AN 41:41-42

“The same religion has He established for you

as that which He enjoined on Noah¾

That which We have sent by inspiration to thee¾

And that which We enjoined on Abraham, Moses and Jesus:

Namely, that ye should remain steadfast in religion

and make no divisions therein:

To those who worship other things than ALLAH,

Hard is the (way) to which thou callest them.

ALLAH chooses to Himself those whom He pleases,

And guides to Himself those who turn (to Him).”

HOLY QUR’AN 42:13

The Love of the Most Merciful, Who owes us nothing, yet sends Guidance. Guidance for our perfected selves, our perfected being, our perfected eternal existence. Alhamdulillah!

“This is the Book;

In it is guidance sure, without doubt,

To those who fear ALLAH;”

HOLY QUR’AN 2:2

. . . And so my conscious life began. There I sat, a child of 2, 3 or maybe 4 years old; amidst what seemed a huge field of grass. Freshly mown above the tiny white blossoms I later came to know as clover with a scent that reminds me of the 4 foot perennial phlox I grow today. Unaware of the larger picture of my surroundings and focused only on my immediate view with all senses activated as small children do—the smallest flower I have ever seen in my young life. The first flower I remember smelling. Only 2 inches tall with a white flower head no larger than a dime with tinges of lavender and green subtly shadowing the white. I was intrigued by the way such a little thing could titillate the senses. The sight of such excellent form and beauty, the delicate touch of the plant and the wonderful sweet succulent smell that emanated much larger than the tiny creation before me.

It was then I knew I was part of a wonderful creation and I felt a complete peace with everything around me. It was then I knew there was an inherent truth about this existence that I must seek—The Creator of all things—Whom I must worship.

“I have only created jinns and men,

that they may serve Me.”

HOLY QUR’AN 51:56

Baptism into Catholicism came at the age of 3. At my mother’s insistence, my father agreed to baptize and educate all 5 of us: myself, 3 brothers and the oldest, my sister; in the Catholic environment. I was very grateful for my mother’s wisdom in recognizing the importance of exposing all her children to the wisdom of worshipping God, something her mother had instilled within her children. This exposure set me on the path of asking many more questions of religion.

My belief was that the manner of religious worship, if correct, should leave me somewhat fulfilled; but I never felt I was doing enough to worship my Lord. I was very satisfied with the Bible’s teaching of the 10 Commandments and they rang very true in my heart. However, this also was the foundation of many religions and because of the many inconsistencies I found within Catholicism, I questioned Catholicism’s authenticity. Though I believed Jesus Christ was a Prophet, I could not bring myself to pray to him as intercessor to request favors of God; when I could just as easily pray directly to God. The same was true for the Confessional in seeking forgiveness for my sins through a priest. Why use a middleman when you can go directly to the source? The idea of the trinity baffled me most and I lent no credence to it:

“Say: He is ALLAH, The One and Only.

ALLAH, The Eternal, Absolute.

He begetteth not, nor is He begotten.

And there is none like unto Him.”

HOLY QUR’AN 112:1-4

There was little else in Catholicism that touched my spiritual being. And so my search for the true religion continued.

It was logical to me that if a religion is true it should withstand and answer any comparisons to other religions¾that whatever it’s human inefficiencies, there would always ring true the foundation of that religion. The true religion of our Creator could stand side by side with any religion and shine like the brilliant sun through clouds. That, in fact, questions should and would be welcomed to accomplish a greater understanding. (I was later to find in the HOLY QUR’AN that ALLAH furnishes questions and supplies the answers.) One by one I would learn and evaluate other religions and one by one eliminate each from my list.

There was a time when I was 10 or 11 years old that a feeling permeated my being in relation to what I wanted to do with my life: “I would like to be able to effect ‘Peace’ in this world.” Later, it was curious to me that I had such a strong feeling since I had come into the world at the end of World War II: 1945, and had not known anything but a peaceful world. Ultimately, understanding would come through my own pregnancies and the feelings that are transferred to children in the womb. More importantly, this was the beginning of my realization that the peace I sought to effect was a greater peace—the peace that is ISLAM.

I came close to ISLAM at the age of 13, but was exposed to a sect who claimed to be of the fundamental religion of ISLAM. The information never completely rang true in my heart because it spoke of racism and a current day prophet that my soul could not accept and so I wrote ISLAM off the list in my quest for the true religion.

“And verily this Brotherhood of yours

is a single Brotherhood.

And I am your Lord and Cherisher:

therefore Fear Me (and no other).

“But people have cut off their affair (of unity)

between them, into sects:

Each party rejoices

in that which is with itself.

“But leave them in their confused ignorance for a time.”

HOLY QUR’AN 23:52-54

Only through the tender Mercy of ALLAH Subhanahu wa ta’ala, did He inspire my search for the truth. I believe what we refer to as instinct in this day is actually the guidance of ALLAH. The old saying: “Follow your first mind”, to my mind is also following the Guidance of ALLAH, whether the lessons gained appear productive or not, ultimately it will become clear in the much larger scheme of ALLAH’S vision. If one is in tune with oneself and ALLAH’S inspiration, the whispers of Shaitan (Satan) are usually clearly identifiable. The more we listen and act on ALLAH’S inspiration—the more He inspires, inshaALLAH.

“It is not fitting for a man that ALLAH should speak to him

except by inspiration, or from behind a veil,

or by sending of a Messenger to reveal,

with ALLAH’S permission, what ALLAH wills:

for He is Most High, Most Wise.”

“And thus have We, by Our command,

sent inspiration to thee:

thou knewest not (before)

What was Revelation, and what was Faith;

but We have made the (QUR’AN) a Light,

wherewith We guide such of Our servants as We will;

and verily thou dost guide (men) to the Straight Way¾

“The Way of ALLAH, to Whom belongs

whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on earth.

Behold (how) all affairs tend towards ALLAH!”

HOLY QUR’AN 42:51-53

It is my understanding that all that we learn in this school called “life”, whether work, play, prayer, etc., no matter its makeup¾is designed for us to improve as spiritual beings; to give character, to raise our levels of understanding, compassion and love that we may strive more and more towards worshipping ALLAH. And we do this through the guidance given to us in His Most HOLY QUR’AN, the authentic examples of Prophet Muhammad, sallallaahu `alayhi wasallam, and all other prophets; and through following that which ALLAH inspires us to do in whatever way He chooses to reveal Himself. Insha ALLAH, then, if we are steadfast, we may attain Jennah.

“But to those who receive Guidance,

He increases the (light of) Guidance,

And bestows on them their Piety and Restraint (from evil).”

HOLY QUR’AN 47:17

ALLAH blessed me with two children during my 30’s. Alhamdulillah! A once married, divorced and then single parent—my life became a whirlwind of caring for children from one point of growth to the next. A responsibility of total involvement. During this time of child-rearing my mother’s supportive guidance and unconditional love was unwavering and I thanked God. The yearning to know God better lingered in my soul and I searched for avenues to that end.

My son’s graduation from “kindergarten” marked the day I met and would later marry and divorce the person whom ALLAH would eventually use to introduce us to ISLAM.

ALLAH brought the complete truth of ISLAM and opened my heart to it’s perfected reality. When I read the HOLY QUR’AN I knew I had found what I had been searching for all my life—guidance and my soul’s peace.

Though there was much in the HOLY QUR’AN that I did not understand, the more I read and digested over time, the more I understood because ALLAH was Mercifully opening my heart to its truth. The more diligently one seeks ALLAH, the less one fears reading of the consequences of non-believers and the more one adores and humbles him/herself before our Lord.

“. . . Adore your Guardian Lord,

Who created you and those who came before you,

That ye may become righteous, . . .”

HOLY QUR’AN 2:21

ALLAH is so Merciful¾He cradles us to His way, if it is His will. Finally, after a lifetime of seeking ALLAH and only by the Grace of ALLAH, Subhanahu wa ta’ala, would I know how to worship my Lord.

Shahada (declaration of faith) took place in my home with my (then) husband and an Imam present. Shahada¾the most important words one can say in this life¾the first step, insha ALLAH, on the road to Paradise:

“La illaha illALLAH, Muhammadur rasulALLAH.”

“There is no God but ALLAH

Muhammad is the Messenger of ALLAH.”

I felt as though I was penetrating a tremendous barrier—a wall. Time stood still and all the chains of society were broken. My soul emerged as a butterfly from its cocoon. My life was new and mercifully cleansed of all previous sin. Alhamdulillah!

Since my Shahada life has remained difficult¾yet beautiful with ALLAH’S Mercies. The peace ALLAH has given through ISLAM makes me know I can endure anything with and through the Grace of ALLAH. I fear only my Lord that I will not please ALLAH.

Another step back in time and the loss of my oldest brother at the very young age of 30 in 1974 wrenched our souls. Then in 1992, after I had been Muslim 7 years, my brother born 11 months after myself and like my twin made his transition at age 46. Again we were devastated. It was their passing which made me know how precious life is and I feel a great responsibility to them¾by the Grace of ALLAH, my stellar protectors in this life¾to find and share the truths they sought. Alhamdulillah! ALLAH has given me the truth that is ISLAM and, inshaALLAH, I intend to share this truth in every way I can.

The past year has been one of illness in our family. However, just as there was illness, ALLAH balanced our condition by bringing very loving, beautiful people into our lives who gave us the support we needed to get through our difficulties. I thank ALLAH, Subhanahu wa ta’ala, for the precious gift of these people, for allowing my mother to live through a catastrophic illness and operation, and for bringing my youngest and only brother back to health after sickness. Alhamdulillah!

“Do you imagine that you will enter the Garden

while yet there has not come upon you

the like of what came upon those

who have passed away before you.

There touched them adversity and distress

and so shaken were they, that even their Messenger

and those who believe with him said:

‘When comes the help of ALLAH?’

Lo! Surely ALLAH’S help is nigh.”

HOLY QUR’AN 22:14

“And strive in His cause as ye ought to strive

(with sincerity and under discipline).

He has chosen you,

and has imposed no difficulties on you in religion;

it is the cult of your father Abraham.

It is He Who has named you Muslims,

both before and in this (Revelation);

That the Messenger may be a witness for you,

and ye be witnesses for mankind.

So establish regular Prayer, give regular Charity,

and hold fast to ALLAH!

He is your Protector: The best to protect and the best to help!”

HOLY QUR’AN 22:78

Shahada was the first step towards the true worship of ALLAH I had sought all my life. Reading the HOLY QUR’AN is the only infallible guide for all subsequent steps. I am so thankful to ALLAH for His Infinite Mercy and Compassion in opening my heart to receive ISLAM and pray that He continues this loving-kindness that I may one day return home in high regard. I pray ALLAH opens the hearts of my family to ISLAM and that He unifies this world with ISLAM that we all may serve His purpose and due.

“Because ALLAH will never change

the Grace which He has bestowed on a people

until they change what is in their souls:

and verily ALLAH is He Who

heareth and knoweth (all things).”

HOLY QUR’AN 8:53

At no time in my life had I ever felt I was without the love of my Creator. ALLAH allowed my spirit to awaken slowly to the light of ISLAM. He heard the yearnings of my soul and, mercifully, brought me from “the depths of darkness—into the Light”. All praise, glory and adoration belongs to ALLAH, Al-Wadud (The Loving). Ameen.