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MINE WAS A LONG TREK TOWARDS ISLAM,

but when I finally opened the pages of QUR’AN, I knew that this was not a matter of converting; but, in fact, I had arrived home.

First I should explain something of my unusual background. I was born in Brooklyn, New York, 45 years ago. My mother had been raised Catholic, and on her marriage to my father, had requested him to allow any children they might have to be educated in a Catholic school. My father complied although he was neither Catholic nor in favor of any religion for various reasons going back several generations. My paternal grandfather, an orphan himself, had died when my father was only a few months old, so any knowledge of ISLAM that might have otherwise been relayed to him was long gone. My grandfather was an Arab whose Muslim parents had died when he was still a baby, so he was raised in Spain without any knowledge of his own faith.

The only “knowledge” that I had of Muslims was that they were the “heathens” in the Crusades. The word “heathen” to me meant that they worshipped many gods and idols. The only good word I ever heard about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was from my non-religious father. He explained to me that Muhammad sallallaahu 'alayhi wasalaam was a Prophet like Jesus, and a virtuous man who had tried to lead people toward good in the name of God. I knew by the time I was twelve years old, that I was not a Christian in the sense of believing that Jesus was God or the son of God, nor could I accept many of the things written in the Bible. Nevertheless, I believed in God and his injunction to worship none other than Him, and I believed in praying directly to Him.

I prayed and I prayed, for many years, trying to find the truth. I asked God to let me know if He really existed and if there really was an afterlife. By the time I was 20 years old; having researched many sects of Christianity, and even Judaism, I was discouraged. I became convinced that it was all lies, and therefore, there was no God. How God did not punish me for this is really surprising to me, but He knows me better than I do myself. There must have been a grain of faith in my heart because no matter how difficult things became for me, and they did, especially financially, I never gave up hope. Fully believing in a part of my heart the words my great-aunt had taught me as a child, an old Spanish saying with an idea that undoubtedly came from older Arabic sayings: (literally) God squeezes, but He does not strangle. In other words, God does not give us more than we can handle. During this period I married, divorced, and raised three children with the moral support of my parents. My mother prayed every day that I would find God again.

Immediately after my divorce, I returned to college to finish the studies that I had begun years before. During a chemistry class, the professor was explaining the connection between everything that is found on the earth and those found in stars, meteors and everything else found in space. It occurred to me how the more science tried to dispute the existence of a Creator, the more it made evident that a Creator was the only logical solution to the beginning of life. One day, while researching a paper for another class on Alexander the Great¾of all people¾I came across a footnote which quoted the QUR’AN. I had never heard of such a book. In fact, I never thought of ISLAM because in the 1970s when I was a young adult, the incorrect term “Muhammadans” was being used. I did not connect the two for I thought it was a group that worshipped a man named Muhammad. On seeing the citation concerning the QUR’AN, I decided to read the source, as I often check sources which have not been quoted exactly since they may misrepresent the original. When I opened the Book, I realized that this was a holy text and that it dealt with people I already knew: Abraham, Moses, Jesus. I could not put the book down. I read:

“Praise be to ALLAH, Lord of the Universe,

The Compassionate, the Merciful,

Sovereign of the Day of Judgment!

You alone we worship,

and to You alone we turn for help.

Guide us to the straight path,

the path of those whom You have favored,

not of those who have incurred Your wrath

nor of those who have gone astray.”

HOLY QUR’AN 1:1-7

The key words that attracted me were:

“You alone we worship,

and to You alone we turn for help.”

This did not seem the pagan religion that I had been told during my years in Catholic school or had read about from Pentecostal and Jehovah’s Witnesses literature. I continued reading. I read about Jesus:

“O People of the Book!

Commit no excesses in your religion:

nor say of ALLAH aught but the truth.

Christ Jesus, the son of Mary was (no more than)

A Messenger of ALLAH, and His Word,

which He bestowed on Mary,

and a Spirit proceeding from Him:

So believe in ALLAH and His Messengers.

Say not “Trinity”: desist: It will be better for you:

For ALLAH is ONE GOD: Glory be to Him:

(Far Exalted is He) above having a son.

To Him belong all things in the heavens and on earth.

And enough is ALLAH as a Disposer of affairs.

“Christ disdaineth not to serve and worship ALLAH,

nor do the angels, those nearest (to ALLAH):

Those who disdain His worship and are arrogant—

He will gather them all together unto Himself to (answer).”

HOLY QURAN 4:171-172

This was a logical and sensible religion, one that was telling the Truth. For how can God have said in the days of Abraham to worship none but Him and then send another to replace Him in the form of a “Son” and one of three!

“We have made plain Our revelations in this QUR’AN

so that the unbelievers may take warning.

Yet it has only added to their unbelief.

Say: ‘If, as you affirm, there were other gods besides God,

they would surely seek to dethrone Him.”

HOLY QURAN 17:41-42.

God is wise, and these surely were the words of God.

I was not entirely convinced yet. As a woman, I wanted to know how the QUR’AN viewed our gender. The Old Testament refers to women as the “daughters of Man” while calling men, “the sons of God,” and St. Paul’s letters in the New Testament had long been interpreted by many Christian sects as indicating that women did not even have souls and were the daughters of Satan. But the QUR’AN says:

“People, have fear of your Lord,

Who created you from a single soul.

From that soul, He created its mate,

and through them He bestrewed the earth

with countless men and women—fear ALLAH,

through whom ye demand your mutual (rights),

And (reverence) the wombs (That bore you):

for ALLAH ever watches over you.”

HOLY QUR’AN 4:1

God, therefore, says that women and men both have souls. There is no room for misinterpretation.

“. . .And women shall have rights similar

to the rights against them,

according to what is equitable;

but men have a degree (of advantage) over them.

And ALLAH is Exalted in Power, Wise.”

HOLY QURAN 2:228

Even the story of Adam and Eve’s fall shows God’s fairness:

“Then began Satan to whisper suggestions to them,

in order to reveal to them their shame that was

hidden from them (before): he said:

‘Your Lord only forbade you this tree,

lest ye should become angels

or such beings as live forever.’

“And he swore to them both,

that he was their sincere adviser.

“So by deceit he brought about their fall:

when they tasted of the tree their shame became

manifest to them, and they began to sew together the leaves

of the Garden over their bodies.

And their Lord called unto them:

‘Did I not forbid you that tree,

and tell you that Satan was an avowed enemy unto you?’"
HOLY QUR'AN 7:20-22

My readings of the QUR’AN convinced me that I had come home. This was the word of God. I began to seriously research the life of the Prophet Muhammad sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam and the history of ISLAM. I read everything I could get my hands on, most works by Western scholars on the subject, but the bibliographies also led me to the original works by Muslim scholars. I knew that I must learn Arabic. I had wanted to as a child, but this had not become reality. But now it was imperative. I wanted to read the QUR’AN in the original language it was delivered. This would come about after my Shahada.

My next step after realizing that I was a Muslim, was to find out how one actually became a recognized Muslim. I knew there must be some particular prayers that Muslims recited and that there was more to a religion than simply knowing the text. Unfortunately, I didn’t know any Muslims in the area, or so I thought. I could not find a mosque either. I had tried the Yellow Pages, but there was nothing listed under “mosques” or “temples” or “churches”.

Meanwhile, I was speaking one day with a fellow student at California State University where I eventually obtained my Bachelor’s in Political Science with a minor in History. Somehow, we got around the subject of religion. We had shared classes for about a year and had worked on some research projects together. He was a Muslim and had never mentioned it before because he had suffered much prejudice in the area when he first arrived, thus deciding to keep his religion to himself. He worked for the county government and had seen much prejudice in the practices of several field inspectors. I asked Ali if he would teach me some prayers. I told him I believed in God and his message in the QUR’AN, but that I didn’t know how Muslims prayed or things I should know that might not be detailed in the QUR’AN. For instance, I had no idea when Ramadan fell. I knew it was based on a lunar calendar, but it was important that the moon be seen, and there were the hours between daylight and sunset that were important so one would know when to fast and when to break the fast. I had tried doing this on my own, but it made me nervous that I had no idea what I was doing.

Ali was a great help. He taught me a couple of prayers, including the Shahada, explaining the meaning of the Arabic words to me. Coincidentally, during this same period, I learned that one of my co-workers was Muslim. Again, this was not something he broadcasted since this was basically a fundamentalist Christian town. It was in front of these two men that I first said my Shahada in the Spring of 1992, some five years after my “discovery” of the QUR’AN. It was so strange that once I had decided that I must find fellow Muslims, they began to appear all around me. One day, I noticed a young girl who was working during the summer in our government office wearing a beautiful medal with Arabic letters. I recognized them immediately as spelling out the word “ALLAH”, one of the few words I immediately recognized in Arabic. I asked her where I could find other Muslims and where I could find a mosque. There was none in the town where I resided, a small city called Ceres in the San Joaquin Valley in north central California. She recommended that I go to Stockton where there was a large community of Muslims. Stockton is about 45 minutes to an hour from where I lived. I began to go to the mosque on Saturdays, a time when the sisters taught the children their Arabic letters and held discussions on ISLAM.

I should mention here that unlike some who have chosen ISLAM, I did not find any rejection from my Catholic-raised mother. In fact, she was pleased that her prayers were answered, and that I had returned to God. On the other hand, my father was upset, and when I asked him why, especially since my love and respect for him and my mother had not changed in any way, except perhaps to become even stronger, he told me that I had chosen a difficult path because Muslims, especially Muslims of Arab descent like myself are hated in the United States and often maligned. He feared for me. But I told him not to worry about it, that I was happy for the first time in my adult life. He has since accepted my chosen path.

Two-and-a-half years ago, I moved to Washington, DC to pursue my Master’s in Arab Studies. For the first time, I was able to break the fast with fellow Muslims, something that had not been possible where I lived in Ceres. I had to do it alone since I didn't know any families in the area and my schedule did not permit my traveling daily to Stockton. Last summer, I traveled to Morocco, and heard the muezzin's call to prayer. This also was a first for me and a wonderful experience.

I have found peace of mind and real happiness in my faith. Two years ago, a mutual friend introduced me to the man that has since become my husband, a fellow Muslim with whom I can share the Islamic life I have chosen. AllahuAkbar, (ALLAH is Great).